Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Sad, Sick, Pathetic

Most folks are probably aware of the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen "countdown clocks." These are websites that count down the days, hours, minutes until the twins turn eighteen, "legal" if you get my drift. It's more than a little sick, but then that's America for you.

I stumbled across a similar site for Harry Potter actress Emma Watson several months ago. I debated posting about it, but for heaven's sake the girl is only fourteen! That one really turned my stomach, and since there was no other redeeming feature involved, I let it go.

Today, I found another one. This time, there's enough here to justify posting about it.

For starters, the doof doing this has called it a "Hermione Granger" site. Because she's a fictional character, who just happens to be portrayed by Ms. Watson, it's not quite actionable Never mind that her birthday appears to coincide with Watson's and he includes at least one picture of Watson outside of her Potter character.

What makes it worth clucking over is that this ephebophile has posted his name, picture and pathetic fantasies and embarrassing personal story all over it.
I was introduced to the entrancing world of Harry Potter by Greg Lentz, a coworker in the IT department where I work (Centripulse Network Systems). From the first moment Greg handed me the book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I knew it was going to be good. He's actually the person who introduced me to Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series so I knew right off the bat I could trust him. I mean, I'll get back to my desk from lunch every once in a while and find a well-worn Dragon Lance book just lying by my keyboard that Greg left there for me. I may be 37-years-old but Harry Potter really brings out the kid in me. Honestly. I went to Wal-Mart a few weeks after reading the first book and got a bunch of the Harry Potter Lego sets, which I built and proudly display all over monitor at work. I even have a Harry Potter screensaver on my computer that shows Harry in the middle of a heated quidditch match, swooping down on his broom, reaching out precariously to grab the golden snitch. Then the phrase "CAN YOU DIG IT?" flashes up on the screen. It's pretty awesome. It was well worth the $19.95 I spent on it.

My favorite character in the Harry Potter books is definitely Hermione. I think that's because I can relate to her so well. She reminds me of me when I was a kid with long wavy shoulder-length hair, my hand always shooting up in class to answer whatever question the teacher might volley our way. Sometimes if she called on someone else, I'd just shout out the answer before they could even guess. I love books, as you already may have guessed I was always using my wits to get my friends out of trouble. One night at a D&D role-playing game party in 6th grade, my friend Joey spilled Dr. Pepper all over the couch. I used a special mixture of baking powder, salt, and ground oregano to bring out the stain. We'd always argue over which soft drink had the most caffeine. Those were good times. And the other reason why Hermione is my favorite character is because she is bewitchingly beautiful. To be quite honest, she cast a spell on me from the moment I met her. I guess I should wrap up this up. So I'll leave you with a poem I wrote about my favorite character, Ms. Hermione Granger.

Hermione, oh me, oh my
Oh my, oh me, for you I'd die
You charmed me with your wand and smile
And I've loved you for a long, long while
You raise your hand so high in class
I'd take you on a date, alas
You're not quite old enough and yet
My heart burns for you like a smoldering sunset
There's also his hand-drawn artwork. Like I said, he's posted a sad photo of himself, so I can hope the apporpriate authorities will give him a visit.

No comments: