I Am a Very Bad Man

Right after I posted "Catblogging", things took a turn for the worse between my cats Bennie and Rocky. Bennie's health, both physical and mental, dipped. She was angry, withdrawn and always fearful. She'd hide or sleep all day long, and wasn't eating much. She'd glare at me every time and wasn't at all affectionate. Her climbing into the bed at night was territorial, not companionship. It was clear she was desperately unhappy and beginning to fail.

Something had to change and sadly that change was putting Rocky back outside for good. I know. I am a very bad man who will be punished for this. I know. But it had to happen fast, and it did, Saturday afternoon. When I left for the bloggers bash, Rocky was already outside. I left her there. She was still gone when I came in. The next morning she was sleeping outside the door, in my porch chair. She saw me and jumped up to come in. I refused her, then had to listen to her begging to come in. It's heart-ripping.

Same things Sunday night, this morning and this evening. Rocky's confused, as she has every right to be. She found a good thing, a warm and friendly home, and lots of loving and scratches from me. Then suddenly it was taken away and she was rebuffed. Who wouldn't cry?

I have no idea how long it will take to break her. (Man. I just reread that sentence and hate myself.) I'd love to see someone adopt her, but I'm not sure anyone will. She's got an upper respiratory infection (URI, a cat cold). They aren't easily treatable and usually stay for life, with minor outbreaks every so often. She gave it to Bennie, who's getting better now. But it means Rocky may not be taken in by shelters or places like House of Mews, because she's a danger to the other cats.

Rocky also has something wrong with her belly. When she first started hanging around, I noticed she had a mildly distended belly. It was either a pregnancy or worms, I figured. It's been over four months now, and no children, so it's not that. I treated her for worms and nothing happened, nor does she show eggs or larvae in her poop, so it's not that, either. That leaves something really wrong, which I have no money to have a vet look at, nor to treat. Her energy and alertness are still high and she eats like a horse, so I have to wonder what's wrong. It's still growing, too. And she'll have to be fixed, which I would have done eventually anyway, when I did take her to a vet when I made the decision to keep her.

But none of that's happening now. Since Rocky was banished (God, I'm doomed.), Bennie has rebounded greatly. She bounces around the place all day now, instead of staying immobile or moving cautiously. No more resentful glares or angry bites and rebuffs. She's mildly affectionate again, including climbing onto my chest and shoulder when I sat in the easy chair tonight. She hasn't done that in a very long time. At first, she kept expecting Rocky to pop out at her, but since she's seen her outside, Bennie is happier, even back to sitting on the front window sill, which she had ceded to Rocky.

Poor Rocky is still out there on the porch, waiting. I have no idea how long this will take, nor if I have the stomach for it. Nor if Half-Bakered readers care, nor if they will forgive me my monstrosity and selfishness. Something had to change and innocent, friendly Rocky was it.

If anyone reading this wants her, please act fast. She's a lovable, sweet, friendly, litter-trained, non-destructive girl. She'll cost a lot at first, but I know she'll repay that. It's just that Bennie was first, and has right of place. They weren't going to live together amicably at all.

Man, I will burn in Hell for this.